you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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