dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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