I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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