Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
