I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
