she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
