It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
