you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
