There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its liver damage thursday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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