i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
