Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
