I cockslap morals
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
