Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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