At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
