Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize