I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
