Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
