Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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