ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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