the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize