his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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