She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
