He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
