She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
