I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
we should paint friendship bongs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
