Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
