Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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