I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
