i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
