things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
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