I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
