It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
