I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
