He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I currently don't understand fingers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
