I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
