Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
