You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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