I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
