I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
