paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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