Just cropdusted the office
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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