I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
