guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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