HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
