Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
