Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
