the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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