I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so explain again why im purple
no
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize