so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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