Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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