This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
