his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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