good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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