Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
