dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is the high leading the old right now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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