very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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