you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
