Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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