i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
