ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize