i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
