i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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