She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
