I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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