dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize