I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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