halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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