I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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