You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
