I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
