R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Duck Duck Cougar?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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