She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
