I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
