No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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