my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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