I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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