Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
