You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
