Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
